Inclusive Relationships Aren’t For Everyone.

Which is better…inclusive or exclusive relationships?

I don’t think it is that easy.

Everyone needs both exclusive and inclusive Relationships to create a vibrant and thriving community.

Our immediate reaction is always INCLUSIVE.

  • Dont judge.
  • Dont exclude.
  • Don’t be a clique.
  • Dont hate.

Potential Reasons Why we RUN to inclusiveness.

  • Some of us may have never felt accepted by the “cool” kids.
  • Some of us may have been the fridge kids in the youth group.
  • We see students going through the awkward stage….you went through the awkward stage!
  • Some may have felt “on the outside”.

So we swing so far the other way that EVERYONE IS INCLUDED!

Examples of positive EXCLUSIVE Relationships.

  • Not everyone is invited into my relationship with my wife all the time
  • Not everyone is invited to private business meetings
  • Not everyone is invited into counseling sessions beyond those needing counsel
  • Not everyone is invited into …fill in the blank for your situation.


  • My wife and I share a closer relationship.
  • Our business team has greater intimacy and cohesion.
  • Our counseling sessions are marked with greater trust and transparency.

When EXCLUSIVE relationships create GREATER INCLUSIVITY.

  • Exclusive relationships lead to greater inclusiveness on the bigger scale.
  • Exclusive relationship create a buzz that people want to be a part of.
  • Exclusive relationships have energy.
  • Exclusive relationships have inside jokes.
  • Exclusive relationships have greater intimacy.
  • Exclusive relationships have greater authenticity.
Damaging Exclusive relationships.

  1. TOO OBLIVIOUS: When those in exclusive relationships are not inviting others in because they don’t see the value that they are trying to build.
  2. TOO HURTFUL: When those on the inside gloat or intend to harm others by keeping them on the outside.
  3. TOO COMFORTABLE: WHen, not by intentional neglect, but the exclusive relationship becomes so strong that it is hard for anyone to break in.
These two relationships war against each other but you need one in order to produce the other.
As you develop more exclusive relationships at the core of your team the greater chance you have in seeing inclusive relationships develop and ultimately greater growth of your organization.
What do you see as the value to Exclusive relationships and where do you see the danger of being too exclusive?

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